Categoría: English

Now, the new album is finally finished. It happened last Tuesday.
As I feared, when I received the full demo of the remix of what was originally going to be the next single, I liked it so much that I decided that version should be the main one, leaving the ballad as if it were a soul remix or something like that. The production and the new feel of the song are too much me to leave it as a remix. For me, it surpasses the original ballad and it’s worth waiting a little longer for the single to come out. It doesn’t matter. I need this version as the main one.
The bad thing is that the music video I already shot probably won’t work, since I think the tempo is faster. Almost better, that way I continue on my path of getting rid of the crosses, since in it you could see my classic crosses in my ears and another black one hanging from my neck. Aren’t I experiencing a rebirth, an encounter with my path? Well, let’s fully rebirth, even if everything takes a little longer to arrive.

The recording went really well, very smoothly, and I’m convinced that the final result will be nothing less than something that truly represents me and the sound I want for the future.

If everything goes according to plan, after this single will come the title track and the album, hopefully before summer. I’m creating my best songs and I don’t want to rush things. I’m just starting to find my way, discovering myself after realizing that I’m not who I thought I was (or maybe I am, I don’t know, I’ll find out soon), so everything is a bit up in the air because I have other things on my mind.

The important thing is that I’m moving forward, with a firmer step than ever before.

On this spiritual path I began a few months ago, which is changing (or rather, evolving) day by day, I’m learning and discovering fascinating things and places where I feel a sense of belonging. What started as a few questions I asked myself—like whether all this effort is worthwhile, where I’m going, what my destiny is, and above all, countless whys—is leading me down the right path and to a reconnection with myself through something that has always been there, but which now has more presence and meaning than ever before.

To do this, the first thing I have to do is be honest with myself and shed everything that prevents me from walking and growing with coherence.

It’s not the first time in my life that I’ve peeled back layers to discover my true self, and you can always shed more until you connect with your own truth.

This past Sunday, I did something coherent. I took off the crosses that had been hanging from my ears for two years. That was the first step. The next was to reflect and continue asking questions. I found the answer yesterday, putting away those crosses and the other cross earrings, adding my crucifix pendants, which have been with me for so many years and have been a mark of my identity. The photos and videos are there. I even filmed one that hasn’t been released yet, in which I wear crosses. Now I have to ask myself if that video will be released or if I’ll film a new one.

For me, crosses have always been objects that symbolize my gothic side and my passion for cemeteries. They represent the gothic world. For other people, they are religious symbols, but in my world, they ceased to be so many years ago.
Within that framework, I had to make a decision. The symbols we wear represent us, and crosses no longer represent me. That’s why I’ve put them away. Life is full of stages, and for now, I’m closing this one. Time will tell if I’ll bring them out again, but I’m afraid it won’t be that way.

I’m becoming more and more myself, and I’m getting more and more answers. Now what I must do is keep walking and keep searching for the meaning of what I carry inside, both in my mind and in my heart.
I’m living through intense days for these reasons, discovering things that have always been within me, but which I couldn’t name. Sometimes putting a name to things brings you more peace, and at this stage of my life, I need inner peace more than ever, so I’ve decided to find names for things in order to also give myself a name. I’ve always been Javier, and I always will be, but what does it mean to be Javier? That’s the answer I’m searching for, and I’m going to find it.

There comes a point when certain symbols stop feeling like self-expression and start feeling like inheritance.

Not everything we wear belongs to us.
Not everything we repeat still speaks for who we are becoming.
Sometimes we carry images, gestures, aesthetics, entire visual languages, long after they have stopped telling the truth.

I have been thinking a lot about that lately.

About what it means to strip away symbols that once felt beautiful, dramatic, familiar, even protective, and realize that familiarity is not the same as meaning. That repetition is not the same as identity. That something can be visually striking and still no longer be mine.

There is a strange kind of silence in that moment.
Not a loss.
A clearing.

A threshold between what was borrowed and what is chosen.

I am drawn more and more to symbols that feel darker, quieter, more personal. Black keys. Black roses. Black bats. Black skulls. Not as decoration for the sake of decoration, but as fragments of a language that feels closer to the truth. Mystery. Mortality. Night. Beauty. Locked doors. Hidden selves. Survival. The tenderness inside ruin.

These symbols do not ask for explanation.
They do not perform belief.
They do not lean on inherited meanings that were never fully mine to begin with.

They simply exist in my world and speak my language.

There is something powerful about choosing your own iconography. About refusing to let your image be shaped by symbols that carry stories you do not want to tell. About understanding that style is never only style. It is also memory, instinct, projection, armor, desire. It is the visible shape of what lives underneath.

This is not a dramatic rejection of the past.
It is something calmer than that.
More precise.
More honest.

A shedding.

A refusal to keep wearing what no longer reflects me.

I am not interested in becoming less dark.
If anything, I want to become more exact.
More intentional.
More fully myself.

Not louder. Clearer.

So this is not about abandoning beauty.
It is about finding the beauty that is actually mine.
The one that does not need borrowed symbols.
The one that rises from within my own shadows.

Some things have to be left behind, not because they were meaningless, but because they no longer belong to the person standing here now.

And sometimes the most honest thing you can do is let old symbols die, so something truer can finally be seen.

Deep and fun questions to ask yourself!

Do you like watching sunsets? Yes
Have you ever started a rumor? No
What makes you laugh out loud? Everything except assholes
What was the last concert you went to? Marilyn Manson
If you believed in it, what would you be reincarnated as? Myself
What’s your current vocal exercise? Singing (Hopefully oral sex)
What shirt are you wearing? I’m not wearing one
Who or what are you thinking about? Music
What are your favorite shoes? New Rock
What would easily win you over if someone gave it to you? A book
Three words describe you? Weird, different, special
Do you have any funny memories? No space here
Do you have any anecdotes from when you were drunk? I’ve never been drunk
What’s something you have that you’re sure no one else has? We all share something. Nobody has anything that nobody else has.
Do you have any superstitions? No, but I never walk under a ladder.
What’s your forbidden pleasure? I don’t let my pleasures be forbidden. I enjoy them, period.
What’s the weirdest thing you do when you’re alone? Dance.
What’s the worst food you’ve ever had? If I don’t like something, I don’t eat it.
Which fictional character would you bring to life if you could? Freddy Krueger.
If you could start a career right away, what would it be? Psychology.
What motivates you during the day? That nothing goes wrong with my plan.
What song have you been listening to on repeat lately? «Surrender To the Night» by Minute Taker.
What’s your funniest inside joke? That people are intelligent.
What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Him.
What’s your favorite theme within your niche market? Goth.
What fandom do you currently belong to? I’ve never belonged to anything.
What’s your most controversial opinion? Be yourself and don’t change for anyone.
What’s your favorite couple and why? Me and myself. No comment.
Do you have piercings or tattoos? What are they? 6 piercings. 5 on my face and the sixth one isn’t visible.
What’s your best and worst quality? Being myself.

The holidays are over, even though they were only supposed to last a week and my initial plan was to rest, but it wasn’t to be. Mina had a crisis and I’ve been acting as her nurse day and night. I thought we were going to lose her, but that hasn’t been the case. By increasing her medication, she’s been recovering a little. At least being on vacation allowed me to keep an eye on her. She’s been on so much medication for a year now that it’s weakening her considerably. Even so, she hasn’t lost her appetite or her will to live. She’s teaching us a great lesson. Giving her the best possible quality of life remains the priority, and the truth is, despite the side effects of the medications that make her almost hyperactive, she’s been very well-behaved.

Anyway, I was able to go out during the day, despite the rain, and take walks, celebrate the Wiccan’s birthday, and enjoy my free time.

These past few days I also wanted to film the music video for what will be the title track of the new album, but between the rain and the fact that the dentist gave me a nasty cut on the right corner of my lip, it wasn’t possible. We’ll try again in about a week.
For now, the single of the house remix of «Make Me Free» is scheduled for this Friday, and although the distributor hasn’t confirmed it yet, a week later, I hope it will arrive on time. I haven’t received the demo of the next remix yet, but it doesn’t matter because for now I’m sticking to the plan and everything is going more or less as expected. These days I’m also working on proofreading my new novel, and although it’s getting harder and harder to concentrate and stay organized without getting distracted, I try to make my lucid, inspired moments productive. It’s something I should be used to, but it really is getting harder and harder. Ten years ago I would have finished proofreading it already, but I’m only a quarter of the way through.
Patience, Javier.

Things seem to be taking shape. Last Monday I went back to the recording studio to record a new song, «Redes,» and it went quite well. The recording was very smooth, and the truth is, the song suits my voice, even though it sometimes feels a little flat, but I think it’s going to be very catchy with the synthpop production.
While I was there, I took the opportunity to tell the producer about a couple of changes to the English version of «Mi Jaula,» which we recorded in January and which was still waiting to be mixed. I told the producer I wanted to discuss it better after listening to it. We also talked about some volume adjustments on the house remix of «Make Me Free» and agreed on what the next step would be: another remix for one of the songs on the new album.

Yes, things are coming together. I’ve already received the finished Spanish version of «Mi Jaula» (titled «My Cage») and the remix of «Make Me Free,» which will be released next week. Just yesterday the producer told me he’d send me a sample for the remix of the next song today, and that’s going to be the next step. I’m considering not releasing the lead single with the album right now, but waiting and releasing what was supposed to be the third single after the album’s release.
The lead song is just too good, and I’d rather have something else that influences the algorithms first. I’ll also wait to see how the remix of the new song goes, since the synth feel we want to give this ballad might mean that the remix ends up being the lead version, and the other one a soul remix.
The important thing is that after the break, things are moving again.

After asking the producer for several changes to the demo of the new song (which will be the first of the era immediately following the one that just started) to make it sound less ’80s and give it a more modern feel, it seems we now have the final demo, just a couple of tweaks we can make in the studio during recording, such as lowering the tempo, raising the key, and adding an intro. I also want to change the lyrics to make the chorus less tongue-twister-like. This is the song «Redes» (Networks), and I think it’s going to be very catchy.

If all goes well, we’ll record it next Monday, and that will mark the beginning of recording the songs for the next album, which will follow the one coming out this spring.

This time, I’m going to take things more calmly without putting pressure on myself to finish an album every year, given the delays and things beyond my control. When this era that has just begun (and it will be short) comes to an end, singles will be released individually for a while until the album comes out next year. This will be a more conventional way of releasing it, like how it’s done now, where albums are more like compilations of previously released singles with a few new songs than new material. We have to adapt to how things work, as much as I prefer to do it the more conventional way, for reasons of romanticism and nostalgia. These are different times, and if we don’t move with them, we’ll be left behind.

Although I haven’t received the remix of «Make Me Free» yet, yesterday I got the first demo of what will be the first song of the next era, which will begin immediately after the release of the last single from the new album (which I hope will be out in April).

I’m going to call it the «Networks» song, since it’s about people who think they’re important because they have followers and likes on social media and don’t realize that it doesn’t make you better or more important; it just means you’re still nobody to the world.

It’s a song that will follow the synth-pop style I’m going for. It has a very ’80s feel. I told the producer that it reminds me of the TV series Miami Vice, with a very prominent synthesizer keyboard, and that I’d like to change that so it doesn’t sound so ’80s.

I think it’s going to be really good and catchy. We’ll see how the changes go, and I hope to be able to record it in a couple of weeks.