Anxiety and depression are problems associated with autism and can be exacerbated by years of accumulated stress related to masking, discrimination for being different, bullying, the need to meet expectations, difficulties with socialization… They can even become chronic, as is my case. I’ve lived with anxiety and depression since adolescence, and my diagnosis confirmed they are chronic. Not knowing I was autistic didn’t help at all, so now I have tools to reduce the level of these issues after having learned to live with them, thinking that the origin was trauma—which it is—but not related to my childhood or adolescence, but rather to my experience with autism.
I’ve been going to therapy every week for a while now. This is helping me, not only to talk about things I’ve never told anyone, but also to understand myself much better so I can live more peacefully. The psychologist must be amazed by the life I’m telling her about, but it’s the life I’ve lived and the one that has brought me to this point.
Writing about the life I’ve lived is also helping me analyze myself, reinterpret my story, and love myself a little more—to treat myself with the kindness I haven’t had and to keep moving forward.
I also need to understand intelligence. Being gifted has to serve me for more than just surviving in a world that wasn’t made for me. That’s what I’m working on now.
I’ll just say one thing: I’M GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS.
